One of my leitmotif is “Do what you want, but do good”. This is why I always tend to show the most dangerous sides of a practice when I present it: I stress the dangers, the precautions to be taken and then consider all the positive sides. This is not to put off, but to prepare a safe, healthy and fulfilling ground. Now that you know why BDSM practices can be dangerous, let’s take a look at its benefits and how it is also extremely fulfilling.
A D / s or SM relationship is built on a dynamic of power exchange. The dominant takes the reins, the submissive lets himself be guided. He lets go. The holy grail of a well-conducted session is subspace, an ecstatic state sought after by submissives. This state only exists if the submissive allows himself to completely put his spell in the hands of his dominant. Ideally, trust should be total and shared and this is what leads to this Nirvana. For the dominant, things are a little different. Doms are often “control freaks”, and it is in the accompaniment of his partner that he thrives.
The pleasure hormones
SM practices are rewarding and hormones play an important role. We have seen previously how endorphins enter into the physiological mechanism that leads from pain to pleasure. But these are not the only hormones to participate in “rewarding” the participants in a domination session: even more than in “vanilla” relationships dopamine, adrenaline and oxytocin are released en masse. There are more issues in D / s relationships because you can cheat less than in a vanilla relationship. Suddenly, the endangerment is greater, but the reward is proportionately greater.
You could tell me that communication is a cardinal virtue of any relationship. But when you allow the other to “do everything” for yourself, it is preferable to have previously clearly established the limits not to be crossed. More than any other, this type of relationship encourages communication: before practicing to establish the limits, after the sessions to discuss what went wrong and especially what went well. It is sometimes difficult but it quickly becomes a habit that we have a hard time doing without when we have tasted it.
Finally, the biggest advantage of “chocolate” relationships is that they offer so many possibilities, in terms of gender, sexuality and roles, that they allow us to break the shackles put in place by society. To assume what we are really deep down, if only within the framework of the session. It also assumes a more open-minded community, more welcoming of divergent practices and ideas.
Practicing in a safe and consensual environment, SM is neither a pathology nor an outlet. On the contrary, it is a way to be more in tune with what we are, to know ourselves better, to surpass ourselves, whatever one’s role. A world full of possibilities.