If you have no ideaThe BDSM has little or nothing to do with 50 shades of Gray . Film and television have contributed to perpetuate some stereotypes about these practices, such as that whoever practices it does so because of suffering some type of trauma or that women who are submissive do not value themselves as a person.

The truth is that BDSM, whose acronym stands for bondage , discipline and domination, submission and sadism, and masochism, is nothing more than a series of consensual sexual games and practices.

If you’ve ever been curious about BDSM but have no idea where to start, these tips may be helpful.

Document yourself and know where you are

For Valèrie Tasso , sexologist and ambassador of the erotic toy brand LELO , it is a very complex world, which is why she considers it essential to “document and read rigorous educational books”.

“In our society we want things now, but in BDSM impatience is a disadvantage. It is important to stop to understand what it means and read testimonials of experiences in the first person ”, says the expert, who has just launched the book Kinky sex and BDSM for laymen .

The advice applies both to singles looking for a partner to experiment with and to couples who have never tried any of these practices. In the latter case, he recommends making a list with the BDSM games that can most excite each one, and exchange it indicating ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘maybe’.

Not all that glitters on social media is gold

Precisely because of the need to know where we are, Tasso does not recommend choosing an unknown gaming partner on social networks. “There are people who advertise as dominant or submissive in networks, when experienced people do not advertise that way,” explains the sexologist, who recommends specialized clubs.

“If you end up in the wrong hands, it can have dramatic consequences,” says Tasso. The expert denounces that some people use the word BDSM to have an open bar to abuse and points out that “if he treats you badly or insults you first, be suspicious.”

The sexologist says that the first contact must be ‘normal’, as in any other situation, not with the roles of domination or submission already present, since it is not yet in the erotic scene. That is why he recommends “never play with someone you don’t know at all”, and take time to get to know the other person.

Consensus, trust and communication

Valèrie Tasso emphasizes that if something is fundamental, it is the rule of the three Cs: consensus, trust and communication. That is why one of the keys to practicing BDSM safely is to establish limits with the other person and never exceed them. It is necessary to agree on everything before starting, even if you have already played a game with that couple.

It is also essential to choose a safe word in case one of the two wants to stop the game. The sexologist recommends that it be short and insists on respecting it.

The expert makes another recommendation: the person in the dominant role always has to prove the ‘punishment’ on himself. Tasso indicates that although the thresholds for each are different, it is necessary to get an idea.

Beware of expectations

“You don’t have to expect great results the first time,” jokes the sexologist. For Tasso the key is to “not get frustrated and insist”. The expert invites us to practice, because the more confident we are of ourselves, the more we will enjoy. “It is not easy in a euphoric world, but patience in BDSM is the best virtue,” he insists.

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